My Search for Salvation

As a child I never really dreamed of life only escaping life. Born to a drug addicted ex-con, my father was very abusive. My mother blinded by her perception of love tolerated all that came with his addictions. The abuse I endured for years was never known by anyone but God. I cried out to Him daily as a child, wondering where He was. Wondering why a so-called God of love could turn a deaf ear to my plight. Feeling abandoned and alone my only hope for survival was to withdraw within myself. Loathing life and all authority I became rebellious and defiant and quite mean. My sisters grew up thinking I hated them. I cursed the God that had not protected me and planned my own demise. Those plans were foiled due to the uneducated mind of a child. I had no shame in any of my actions or criminal acts. Being chased by the law as a kid was a thrill and knowing I was still a minor and virtually untouchable was an added plus to the chase. Once caught their options were limited due to my age and I was always set free. I see the kids of today act as I did many years ago and know that if they had love with discipline they would not be that way. I wonder where God is in their lives and I wonder if they too have cried out to a silent God as I did.

I suppose I question God because of my past. I can understand how a dysfunctional family can alter the rational thought process of an individual. I see the lives of people today and what they have endured and I understand why they have no faith. Brainwashed in different beliefs that have been empty and barren they have no basis or foundation and therefore are blinded by circumstances. The concept of a God of love falls on deaf ears due to the fact that they have never known love. I see the world and the state it's in and to me it is very depressing. I think that is why I long to believe in universal salvation.